Already and All Along

Fear Will Lose This Fight, Too

Fear and doubt are ugly, relentless liars.

The 13th of this month will mark eight months since our farm became my office, and the walk from the stone cottage to the barn my commute. As we enjoy a rare very warm and sunny beginning to November here in Michigan that in some ways feels like Spring more than Fall, my thoughts drift back over the past months, and emotions rise in a cacophony of humble pride, joy, awe, fear, and doubt.

-- Pride for triumphant moments like hitching and hauling trailers for the first time, keeping up with the garden and learning the basics of canning, and successfully attending multiple goat kid births.

-- Joy and awe at the blessings and favor and protection that continues to be poured out upon us as we progress further down this dirt road of dreams.

-- And fear that all the efforts put forth so far are not enough, doubt that I'll be able to live up to all those daydreams voiced in countless conversations when full time farming was only just that, a daydream.

There is so much I wanted to have done by now, this far into this first year of Farm Freedom. Some things just didn't happen; others happened well beyond as well as we hoped they would. But still, the whispers of doubt, born from fear, continue to hiss.

Fortunately, our Maker knows our innermost thoughts, and exactly how to calm and direct them back toward Peace, if only we'll open the eyes and ears of our hearts to perceive his soft, still voice speaking life into our lives.

And so, as winter ambles just behind the unexpected warmth and sunshine of this first week of November, and the trees, having shed their brilliant Autumn gowns, stand as resolute black silhouettes against the coming cold, I consciously switch the station of my thoughts from Fear 101 to Purpose 41.13, and listen awestruck as once again He who made the universe pauses to reach down and silence the doubt that threatens my peace, extinguishing the flames of my fears with just a whispered reminder of who I am and can be, in Him. And my eyes are opened to the blessings that have come at just the right moments, the joys that have followed even the worst sorrows, and all the promise there still is in tomorrow, as long as I step into it with a willing right hand held out to keep hold of the one holding it already and all along.